Christmas time is my absolute favorite! However, the past couple of years have been more difficult. Last year I couldn't even pretend to be interested in the holidays when we had just lost Maddox a few months before. This year has been a little different but as it draws closer I realize I am still really struggling. Had he been born when he was supposed to in March, this would be his first Christmas. He would be about 7 months old and we would be preparing for all the celebrations that come with a childs first Christmas. Instead, we are trying to find ways to keep his memory alive through Christmas. We are decorating a Christmas tree just for him and picking out the perfect stocking. While all of this is important and special, I cant help but feel bitter about it. This is not how it is supposed to be. I miss him so much and it seems like I am missing him more during the holiday season. Looking at his little tree though brings me comfort. I love it because it is a way to remember him and it is something special just for him.
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