Our story of love, loss, and change.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Hope is the thing with feathers..

There is little worse than leaving the hospital without your baby.
It is gut wrenching when someone doesn't realize you lost the baby. 
To have to explain over and over that your baby died is heart breaking.
There is something awful about having to put away their unworn clothes.
Putting up "In Memory" photo's instead of newborn photo's seems like cruel punishment.
To watch all of your friends and family give birth to healthy babies is so hard.
Thinking about having another baby is terrifying.
Wondering where your babies are and if they are okay, can drive you crazy.
Second guessing every choice you made is a part of your daily life.
Trying to understand how people can be so inconsiderate is impossible.

Knowing that you gave birth to someone so perfect and pure is comforting.
Holding your child is something beyond incredible.  
Watching your husband hold your son is perfection.
To see your family and friends have healthy babies is a blessing.
Doing projects to help yourself and other's is healing.
Thinking of having another baby is exciting.
Moving forward with your life is the only way to survive such loss.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Mothers Day Name Event

This year for Mothers Day a group of bereaved mother's including myself participated in a name event hosted by Catherine at Twinkle of Light.  

I was honored to write 10 babies names and in return I am getting photos of Maddox's name written by 10 other mother's. Below are the names we wrote and photographed.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

My White Sign of Grief

The White Signs of Grief are used to break the silence about our grief and to put a face on our grief. It helps to know that I am not alone. That others are feeling that same thing that I am.

White Signs of Grief is a blog started by a wonderful women named Lindsey. You can check out other signs or submit your own by clicking the below link.

This is not limited to just parents who lost a child. Anyone that was affected by the loss of a child is welcome to post their own sign. I encourage everyone to take a moment and submit a sign to display your own grief.

It took me a long time to decide what I wanted my sign to say. I had a thousand things I could have written. I am grieving for so many things. The reason I chose "I grieve for the memories that we will never have" is because I think this is something that a lot of people that have never lost a child don't realize. It is not just the child that we lost, we lost an entire life. A lifetime of memories and experiences that we will now never have. The moment that Maddox passed away, the life we had in front of us disappeared. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Tiny Diapers

The March of Dimes is having their fundraiser for premature babies
They placed tiny diapers in stores to help bring awarness
These diapers literally break my heart

These diapers that look like they belong on a doll
Diapers that you wouldn't believe were actually made for a baby
Diapers that break you heart
Because you know they are not meant for a healthy baby
They are meant for a premature baby
For a baby that never got to live.

You see a diaper and you think of joy
You think of a new life
I see a diaper and I think of heartbreak
I think of death

My son wore a diaper that was too big
Because even a tiny diaper
Was too big for him.