Our story of love, loss, and change.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Oh Christmas Tree

Christmas time is my absolute favorite! However, the past couple of years have been more difficult. Last year I couldn't even pretend to be interested in the holidays when we had just lost Maddox a few months before. This year has been a little different but as it draws closer I realize I am still really struggling. Had he been born when he was supposed to in March, this would be his first Christmas. He would be about 7 months old and we would be preparing for all the celebrations that come with a childs first Christmas. Instead, we are trying to find ways to keep his memory alive through Christmas. We are decorating a Christmas tree just for him and picking out the perfect stocking. While all of this is important and special, I cant help but feel bitter about it. This is not how it is supposed to be. I miss him so much and it seems like I am missing him more during the holiday season. Looking at his little tree though brings me comfort. I love it because it is a way to remember him and it is something special just for him.

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