Dear Maddox

I miss you more than I can describe. From the moment I wake up in the morning until I fall asleep at night, I think of nothing but you. When I found out we were having a little boy I was so excited. I imagined holding you in your nursery late into the night. I imagined rocking you to sleep and staring at you for hours and I am so sad that I will never get to do these things. I am thankful though for the time we did get to spend with you. I could have looked at your beautiful face forever and I would do anything to hold you again. Anything. I am happy that we got to spend the time with you, even if it was not enough. I am thankful that we had so many ultrasounds, it was an amazing experience to watch you move and grow..I can't help but smile each time I think of watching you open and close your mouth on the ultrasound screen.

 I was already picturing what you would look like and what you would have been like. I hate that I will never know the answer to these questions. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. You are a part of my soul and I am forever changed by you. I promise to do right by you, to be the best person I can be, and to appreciate life more, because I now understand how fragile life is. I feel so broken and empty inside without you. I keep thinking how wrong this all is, and how unfair. You should still be growing warm and safe in my tummy. You should have been born healthy and crying. I wish I could have done something to change it, I wish many things but more than anything I wish you were here. I miss you sweet baby and I love you.