Procrastinating

I am a procrastinator

I know this about myself and honestly I am okay with it

Sometimes I actually work better under pressure

Last night I finally did something that I know I should have done a while ago

We packed up all the clothes, blankets, and other items we had purchased or gotten for Maddox

The reason this became a necessity was because I went in to the other bedroom to get some art supplies and saw the precious outfit I had bought him just weeks before he passed away and I couldn't stop crying

Packing up those clothes broke my heart but I know it is an important part of coming to terms with the fact that he is gone

Today has now been a pretty terrible day

I had a slight panic attack before coming into work because I hate that he is gone and that instead of preparing his nursery, we are packing up the few items that should have belonged to him

ugh

As my due date draws closer I can feel my chest get tighter

Right now I would have 7 weeks until he would have been born, I should still be pregnant right now and a part of me is still quite bitter that I am not

I am taking the day off of work on March 1st

I have a feeling it is not going to be a good day for me, I will survive though...Somehow