Our story of love, loss, and change.





Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Happiest Place on Earth




Grief is mean, it is ugly, and it is here to stay..

I have so many thoughts running through my head this morning. I keep thinking how I am not this person. First, I am not the person who's baby dies. This is the stuff you read about, feel a moment of sadness when you hear about it, and then you move on. Because this kind of stuff doesn't happen to me. Yet it did and honestly there are still moments when none of it feels real. Second, I am not the person who is sad all the time. I have always been a happy person. Even though my life has been anything but a walk in the park, I have always made it through, smiling. Now I feel as if I dont even know that part of me anymore. Of course I have moments of happiness. I can laugh with my friends, enjoy normal conversations with my family, and be a good wife and friend to Cody. However, it is all tainted with sadness. I can laugh and hang out with friends, but I go home and I cry. I can go to the grocery store with Cody and have a great time being silly with eachother, but my heart breaks when I choose what flowers to take to Maddox.

It is weird for me to be this sad and I don't know how to stop. I feel stuck right now. I have to drag myself out of bed in the morning, I barely make it through work most days, and my nights usually end in tears. This is not how my life was supposed to me. I know that one day it will get easier but for now, I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel.

While talking to Cody a couple weeks ago we decided that we needed to do something for ourselves that will make us happy and that will give us something to look forward to. So we decided to plan a Disneyland trip! I really love Disneyland, probably a little too much for an adult but it really is The Happiest Place on Earth, at least for me anyway.We booked our hotel, bought our tickets, and on May 5th, we are driving our butts to California. I am really looking forward to a week of fun, no work, and good memories. <3


2 comments:

  1. I'm glad you guys get to go away for a bit!! Enjoy every second, if you can. You deserve a break.

    xoxo,

    not gossip girl

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  2. Yay! I am so glad you guys are doing this! Adam (my hubs) and I did that a few months after Greyson died. Was super fun. Just focus on him and having fun and spoiling each other. It can be somewhat be difficult to be in a place like that, too because of ALLLLLLLL the mom's and strollers. So, when you see one, just look away. I'm excited for you guys, good idea. I am ready to head back to Disney now. :)

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