I feel sad. All the time. Even when I seem happy. I am sad.
I feel so angry! Why did our babies have to die? Why did I go through the terrible experince of the reduction, to wind up with nothing?
I feel guilty. It is just now starting to hit me. I know that doing the reduction was the right thing to do, but it was a horrible horrible thing to do. I feel as if I killed my babies. I laid their while a doctor injected their hearts with the substance that would cause them to stop beating. I feel like a bad person. I will regret this for the rest of my life. Even if I did it for all the right reasons, it doesn't make it right.
I feel sadness for the people that have to also go through this experience. Babies shouldn't die, and parents should not have to bury a child.
I feel angry at the people who get the blessing of a child, and do not appreciate them or take care of them.
I feel guilty for feeling jealous when I see a pregnant woman.
I feel sad when I remember that I will never get to raise Maddox.
I feel hopeful that one day Cody and I will have another child and get to raise them.
I feel so loved from my family and friends. I know at times I push people away, but it makes me feel better knowing people are there for us.
I feel real moments of happiness at times.
I feel the best when I am with Cody. He is my rock, he is my joy.
I feel that one day I will not feel so sad.
I feel myself becoming a better person. Going through this experince has taught me so much. I want to be better. I will be better.
I feel gratitude for giving birth to such a perfect person. He is pure. He is an angel.
I feel like I am better for knowing him.
You are very good at expressing your emotions. I'm glad you decided to do this blog because talking about it is one way that will really help.
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