Our story of love, loss, and change.





Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Heaven

It is only 9 in the morning and already has been a horrid day

There is a terrible thought, well thoughts that I just can't seem to get out of my head

...Where are my babies?

When you don't know your beliefs on Heaven or religion in general

 Death is even more difficult to deal with

While holding Maddox for the last time I said to Cody

"How can there not be more for this beautiful little baby?"

I honestly believe that there has to be more

He was so perfect, so pure

An angel

He belongs in Heaven

There must be a Heaven...Right?

But I still can't wrap my head around it

I did not grow up in a religious home

Kinda weird seeing how I grew up in Utah

I am a very blunt and real person

I believe in what I can see

This is why faith has always been so hard for me

It is an on going struggle and it will probably be something I struggle with for a long time

Maybe even the rest of my life

There is just no way my babies lives ended

They can't have just disapeared

Now I just have to make peace with it all



"I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I will never part. God has you in his arms. I have you in my heart…"
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3 comments:

  1. UnknownNovember 28, 2012 at 8:29 PM

    Yep, your babies are in heaven. That I can promise you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownNovember 29, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    I believe that, too! It's the *only way* I have hope.
    There are many verses in the Bible that talk about Jesus loving the little children and letting them come to Him.
    (Matthew 19:14-15 "But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.) Such a sweet picture of how much He loves us and our babies.
    You can also check out biblegateway.com and look up 2 Corinthians 5, talks about "new bodies" God gives us in Heaven if we are believers. I know it all may seem so strange to you, because like you said, you didn't grow up in a religious home. I even have a hard time grasping it and I did! And I still follow Jesus and need Him so much to help heal my broken heart through losing our lil Greyson.
    Hope this helps in any small way, I know it's hard. :/

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnnaDecember 13, 2012 at 6:01 PM

    Jason's right! They are absolutely in heaven! Love you girl!

    ReplyDelete

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