I have had so many things going through my head this morning and I hope that writing them all down will help. First, I re-wrote the story of my pregnancy in great detail. When I tell my story it feels like a weight is lifted. I have written my story multiple times but each time I write it, I learn something new. I will probably re write it many times throughout my life.
The other day we went to the cemetery to take flowers and it is always a peaceful and difficult experience. I feel close to him there, yet so far away. It makes me happy though to take beautiful flowers to the babies. It is little but it is important to me.
I was having a really bad day last week and for just a moment I thought to myself "I just wish somone I was close to understood what I was going through." It is sometimes hard to talk to my family and friends because they do not really understand what I am going through. I don't mean to be rude, I appreciate you all so much but I know that it is a struggle for the people close to me to know what to say at times. Immediately after that thought going through my head I retracted it. I would never wish this life upon anyone. Losing your baby is the most difficult thing and I would not wish it on my worst enemy (cliche I know). I will gladly go through this all on my own if that means no more babies have to die. So today I am thankful for all the love and support I get and I am thankful that nobody can understand what I am going through. That is the way it should be.
I hope that through your blog and the other loss sites you are getting the support you need from those who know what you are going through. You know I'm always here for you to talk, even though I can't imagine what you are feeling.
ReplyDeleteI love you so much, Tasha. I really wish that I could take away your pain for even just one day.
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